its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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