Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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