All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
