Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
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I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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