he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
