even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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