i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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