I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dicks are not precious.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
