he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
