After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
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