I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
