i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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