Your tits are I can't wait for
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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