it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
