If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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