Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
