I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You took a bar mat shot.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
