You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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