The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
