Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
