Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
