i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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