He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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