i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
