why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
