she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
