So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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