I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
