I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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