Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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