Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
