i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
