is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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