Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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