1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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