id be glad to
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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