White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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