Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
