I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
