she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
