Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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