Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
