Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
