She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
being pregnant is like rehab
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
