You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
