Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
