I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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