I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We smell like vodka and hangover
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