So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
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I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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