you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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