Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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