I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
