Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
