Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
