I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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