Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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