i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
