My first STD was from a foam party
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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