Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
