I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Can Purell be used as lube?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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