I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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