im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
