her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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