am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
