I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
