My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
