youre lurking in front of me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
