this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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