I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
