I smell stomach acid.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
