I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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