He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
