i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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