i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
