it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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