Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
