alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
