it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."