just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.