You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.