I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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