Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.