a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.