I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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